Just when we've recovered from the back-to-school chaos and the harrowing Halloween tradition of costumes, parades and sugar highs, we get slammed by the next round of holidays. And these are the Big Ones.

Yes, it's time to plan the perfect Thanksgiving feast, gear up for Hannukah and/or start figuring out how to shop and entertain your way toward and through Christmas — all while trying not to hyperventilate about the question of where we will spend those holidays and how we're going to survive the time with the in-laws.

"Why is it that at the holidays everyone tries to do everything perfectly? What is perfect anyway?" asked Maria Tabone, a Maplewood resident and wellness consultant. Tabone feels that we are the ones driving ourselves crazy, not our mothers-in-law.

"The solution for a stress free holiday is to realize that it's self-induced stress. We only have ourselves to blame," Tabone says. Ouch!

Tabone adds that we need to be kind to ourselves. It's O.K. to take the easy route. "If baking stresses you, go to the bakery! It's all about getting together and enjoying each other," said Tabone. She pointed out that if we think about the things we bicker about at the holidays, like the menu or where we are going, they are ridiculous. Tabone suggests picking your battles. "If your annoying mother-in-law insists on making her awful dried-out turkey, let her. Just add more gravy!" In the big scheme of life, it's not that important.

Her other suggestions for a stress free holiday include: 

1. Limit gift buying. "For many people, money is tight," said Tabone. "My friends were so happy when I said we should stop giving each other gifts. They didn't want to be the first to say it but it told me it was such a relief. I don't even give to their children anymore! Just buy gifts for your own children and parents and limit them to small tokens of love and appreciation. My sister and I are taking a baking class together instead of gifts. If you need to get something for someone and you're stumped, make a donation to a charity in that person's name. Most people have too much stuff they don't use anyway. Give yourself a gift and take items you don't need or use anymore to the Salvation Army or Red Cross. They will brighten someone else's life."
2. Practice gratitude. "Even in tough times, we all have something to be grateful for. Practice having compassion for others," advised Tabone. "You won't be so quick to argue or get angry over silly things if you have compassion for another person. Lastly, try to do some volunteer work at the holidays. It really makes you appreciate your own life and everything you have and take for granted."
3. Keep it simple: "Decorating should be fun and stress free. If it's not, put up less!" Last year Tabone's husband tore a tendon and couldn't lift a big tree so she purchased a small Charlie Brown-style tree. "It was so stress free," said Tabone. "I hung one string of lights on it and a few decorations, decorated my mantel and in one hour I was done. It has started an easy, stress-free tradition."

Elaine Braff, who has a therapy practice in South Orange, agreed with Tabone. "Focusing on being Martha Stewart will rob you of what's most important during this time," said Braff. "If you have a sister who makes insensitive comments like, 'It looks like you put on some weight,' even though you're probably triggered, it's wise not to react defensively by making a curt comment back to her." Braff suggests to take a step back, breathe, let go of negative thoughts, and with a kind tone say, "I'm sure you didn't mean to be hurtful. I am very self conscious about my weight right now."

She readily acknowledges that it may be challenging to bite your tongue when you are ready to lash out. "The resentment may be built up to a point of explosion." If you find yourself in that situation, give yourself a time out. "It might be better to wait and sit down with her at another time and share how you feel when she makes these kind of comments. You may say something like, 'I'm sure you don't mean to be hurtful but when you say things like (whatever it is she says). I feel hurt.'"

Lastly, don't be shocked if you feel sad or depressed after all the guests go home and the house is quiet. People often feel let down after the holidays are over. Braff recommends taking time to unwind and re-charge.

"Get a massage, take a hot bubble bath, or make plans with friends to go to an event." Novelty usually adds excitement to your life by giving you energy and lifting your spirits.

Happy Holidays!

Do you have ideas for upcoming columns, know an athletic enthusiast, want to ask a question, or can put me in touch with people who are inspiring or creating a healthier Maplewood? Post a comment or e-mail Hurtado. Hurtado is an enthusiastic fitness and wellness expert with years of experience. She blogs about her health and fitness adventures at JudieJuice. Her articles have been published in magazines such as Time Out New York and Park Place.