Maplewood's Unemployed Get Stress Reduction Tips

The last week's regular meeting of Professionals in Transition at the main branch of the Maplewood Public Library attracted about two-dozen attendees. The guest speaker was Zohar Adner, author of "The Gift of Stress."

Adner pointed out that stress will be a reaction if you're not mentally prepared. "You'll feel stress when you're caught in traffic," he said, "but there's nothing you can do and getting upset won't help. It's really a perfect opportunity to do anything but stress." 

Members of the group shared stories about the stress of unemployment. "At first I was excited about interviewing, but now I'm petrified," said one. "I've been out of work for so long that interviewing is much more important. Even getting a nibble has stress to it. My last interview was a couple of weeks ago. I have to hide my fear from the interviewer."

Several people expressed similar feelings about interviewing in this tough economic climate: "I have to hide what's going on inside," said one. From another—"I didn't know about the job or company, I was going in cold. My heart was racing, I wanted to throw up."

Another group member said, "I've been out a year this month. I've had a lot of interviews and close calls. Now I have a fear of failure. I used to be a normal person who went on an interview and got a job. I'm afraid my family doesn't think I'm pulling my weight. I try to not think about it, but 'am I going to blow this' or 'this looks good on paper but are the people jerks?' keeps running through my mind."

And yet another shared, "I've been unemployed for almost a year. My credit cards are maxed out. I borrowed money from relatives and my previous type of job doesn't exist. I'm staying positive and trying to change my situation by taking classes and attending groups. At this point I ask myself, will I ever get a job? It's very stressful."

Others said that sleeping patterns have been affected. For example, one person noted that he begins to worry a day or two before an interview. "I don't sleep the night before. I'm stressed-out and my mind doesn't turn off. That makes going into the interview a total misery."

Every day occurrences, such as logging on to balky websites that bounce job applications, filling out applications that are a waste of time and never hearing back from prospective employers tend to ratchet up already elevated stress levels.

Adner counseled, "Stress is a response–you can make many different responses to a situation. While it's normal to react with stress in some situations, it's never the best choice. It's good to plan ahead, to prepare for things coming your way, but sometimes there are "one of" situations when you can't. So you need to cut yourself some slack."

He added, "Ninety percent of doctor visits have some stress component. For example, stress reduces a body's efficiency in processing sugar, which may lead to weight gain and phantom pains, insomnia. It's an urgent message that something in your life isn't working. That there's a gap between what you want and what you're getting."

"Sometimes you can 'fix it' and sometimes you can't." Adner advises to ask yourself if it's really necessary for things to be how they "used to be."

He underlines the importance of reducing stress, suggesting bringing your family on board as a stress reduction team, not concentrating on what's bad but on what's good, and changing the questions you ask yourself from "What do I want?" to "What do I really need?"

"The big thing to keep in mind in learning how to cope is self-compassion. This is the worst job market in decades. Everything is harder than before. It can take three to four months on average to find a job, pushing a year is typical. It's hard to internalize that when your expectation is that this should be done by now, this should be easy, I'm qualified, smart, and doing the right things. It's hard to go through 200 rejections, especially when you thought it was going to take 25."

Adner offers Four Stress Diffusers: (1) Take steps to minimize the gap between how things are and how you want them to be. (2) Lessen your attachment to getting what you want. (3) Identify ways you've overcome similarly stressful situations. (4) Improve your mood.

NOTE: Starting in April, Professionals in Transition will be meeting the 1st and 3rd Mondays of each month.