Recently, I read an article in The New York Times titled “For Some Parents, Shouting Is The New Spanking.” 

I immediately began to read the article with great interest. I have been known to raise my voice at my two daughters, ages 6 and 4, more often than I’d like to admit. Plus, I have had many conversations over the years with other "mommy" friends about controlling our tempers. We've all nodded our heads in agreement as some shared stories of shouting, “We’re going to be late for school. Put your coat on NOW!”

When I heard that Jen Maidenberg from Mindful Living NJ was offering a workshop on anger management for moms, I signed up faster that you can scream “Time out!”

Psychologist, psychotherapist and father Rob Handelman, Psy.D., who practices a "mindfulness-based" integrative psychotherapy, will be leading the workshop specifically for mothers who need guidance with parenting hurdles, such as dealing with emotions, frustrations, impatience or short tempers when parenting children. 

What exactly is a mindfulness-based integrative psychotherapy? According to Dr. Handelman, “mindfulness is defined as the ability to pay attention, in the present moment, without judgment.” Sounds very different than traditional talk therapy, right?

Dr. Handelman agreed. “Traditional talk therapy is typically more interested in the question 'why.' That can be a useful question, but more often than not it is a subtle or not so subtle way of judging ourselves. 'Why' is often another way of saying that there is something wrong, and I approach clients with a mindset that is more like 'what does that judgment sound like in your head, where do you feel that pain in your body?'” 

In the anger management workshop, Dr. Handelman will also utilize a method known as ACT or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. “ACT seeks to explore how clients make efforts, usually futile efforts, to change their experience, and to highlight those efforts.

"For example, many of us want to avoid feeling anxious, so we put off doing things that might be scary, or we watch tv, or we try to convince ourselves that we shouldn’t be scared. For the most part, these are just ways to avoid feeling emotions that would be painful –sometimes this behavior works in the short term, but most often it does not work long term,’ said Dr. Handelman.  

“The workshop will use mindfulness exercises to explore interactions with our children that leave us feeling angry, how we struggle with those feelings, and to explore what we value in parenting.”  

Moms will learn to differentiate between the feeling of anger and expression of anger, to learn some techniques to explore their anger in interactions with their children, and to come up with other ways of dealing with situations where anger comes up, that are more in line with their parenting values.   

Dr. Handelman, who has a full practice in New York City, is currently expanding his practice in Maplewood and the surrounding towns. He will offer other workshops as well, including one in November that will focus on staying sane during the holiday season, when people, especially adult children, spend time with family members. 

Due to the tremendous response to this anger management workshop, Dr. Handelman anticipates offering the workshop again in the near future.

The Anger Management Workshop will be held on Thursday, October 29, 2009, 7:45–9:45 p.m. at Shakti Yoga & Living Arts, 1861 Springfield Avenue, Maplewood. Cost $20/person.