Dec. 19, 1981

I was there ...

When my son was born, six weeks prematurely. To this day, I am not sure if he "came" early due to my physical makeup, or from his father's hitting me and pushing me down on the bed, with tremendous force, when I was pregnant. 
 
December 18, 1981: I was watching "Dallas." I wasn't feeling well. Then came the cramping. I wasn't due until weeks away. I had only been to ONE Lamaze class! I was petrified. I told Bob, my then-husband. He told me to be quiet. He told me not to call the doctor, because according to him, it was because I ate Chinese food for dinner.
 
I knew differently.

I phoned the doctor only seconds before my water broke. A flood! My husband  started yelling at me that I was going to stain the apartment's carpet. He shoved towels at me. Did I say that he was heavily involved with snorting cocaine that evening? His reaction to the oncoming arrival of our child was terrifying.

Getting me down the elevator and into my little Datsun 280z, he continued to yell at me that I was going to stain everything — I was leaking. He shoved another towel under me, telling me I better not ruin the seats in the car.

I had no family to call. I had no one. Just this coke head screaming at me on the way to Lawrence Hospital. I did not know what to do, other than cry....and pray.

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